Five Games That Have No Business Including Stealth

Gamers are fed up with stealth sticking its nose into places it doesn’t belong. If we want to play a good stealth game, we’ll reinstall Dishonored–in the mean time developers need to stop trying to “mix it up” with mechanics that don’t translate well into their games.

Here are my top five offenders, be sure to share yours in the comments below. 

5. Uncharted 2

Early on in Uncharted 2, there’s a flashback you have to play through where Drake and his partner must sneak through an art museum undetected.

Uncharted games are summer action movies that mirror Indiana Jones. The action comes to a grinding halt and forces the player to carefully hide behind walls so you can choke out security guards; suddenly I don’t feel much like an action hero anymore.

Where was Drake when I had to watch Night at the Museum? It would’ve been a lot better if the film ended with Ben Stiller’s character getting choked out.

4. Grand Theft Auto

Once again, GTA is not about being subtle–I have a rocket launcher most of the time I’m playing that game and the other 50 percent of the time I’m skydiving out of crashing planes.

Why in the world would I care at all about being quiet? I can literally kill all the enemies I’m supposed to avoid without even thinking about it.

3. Castlevania Lords of Shadow 2

This game has more problems than just it’s stealth segments, but whoever decided that Dracula should spend his time early in the game sneaking around as a rat, possessing enemies and distracting dudes with bats, should be fired. Under no circumstances should any Castlevania title ever include stealth segments.

2. Assassin’s Creed

Wait a second, this is a stealth game. Okay, just hear me out on this one: “Boat Stealth.”

Yes, that’s right, this is an actual mechanic in Assassin’s Creed 4: Black Flag. You must tail other ships without them seeing you in your massive pirate ship. Sometimes you’re even close to shore where they have watchtowers.

Are the men in those towers blind? Did the men on the ship you’re tailing suddenly lose their ability to reason? And let’s not even talk about the infuriatingly awful follow missions you have to complete on foot.

1. Zelda

Okay, Zelda is a repeat offender here. The three titles that instantly jump out to me are Ocarina of Time, Wind Waker, and most recently A Link Between Worlds.

Who was in charge of putting these awful segments into one of the most beloved franchises of all time? Zelda is about solving puzzles and exploration, not creeping by pig soldiers and avoiding searchlights.

In Ocarina, the parts where you have to sneak past soldiers to break into Hyrule Castle are the worst parts of that game. Even to this day Nintendo is putting stealth segments into Zelda. A Link Between Worlds features a dungeon that players have to sneak into and if they get caught by the sentries, they’re forced to start all over from a prison cell.