In my last top 10 list, I counted down vocal tracks within the Sonic franchise so bad they're good. I described it like going down the rabbit hole.
Well in today's list we're past the rabbit hole, we're past so bad it's good, we're entering a level of so bad it's cringe inducing. A wonderland if you will of nauseatingly bad music nobody wants to experience, especially in a public setting.
As usual I'll be counting down 10 more songs within the Sonic franchise from best to worst in terms of cringe inducement, giving my thoughts on each song, and highlighting notable lyrics.
10 - I Am (All of Me) - Shadow the Hedgehog OST
Performed by Crush 40, this song took the #1 spot in my last list because it's so bad and edgy it was comedic. However, this time it only takes the #10 spot simply because of the fact it's still somewhat enjoyable to listen to, but I'll admit it definitely overstays its welcome with awful lyrics and being over three minutes.
Lyric Highlights
I am... I am, I'm all of me
I am... I am, I'm all of me
I am... I am, I'm all of me
(Here we go)I see and feel the evil
My hands will crush 'em all (The cringe begins!)
You think you have the answers
I'll laugh and watch you fallBlack-hearted evil
Brave-hearted hero
I am all, I am all, I am
With this song taking the #1 spot in my last list, think of it as a gateway into this list with it being the #10 spot. As I said we're now leaving the rabbit hole...
Let's check out wonderland shall we?
9 - Deeper - Sonic Adventure 2 OST
Performed by "Hunnid-P" -- this song is a weird one. It's the theme of the Death Chamber stage in Sonic Adventure 2, hence the constant whispering of "Death Chamber" I guess?
Lyric Highlights
(Death Chamber)
(Death Chamber)
(Death Chamber)Not if I can help at all
I will not let him take it over
Sonic, what are you doin' here?
I heard you were on a quest to find the Master Emerald
You know me and you don't get along
I don't think that's the point right now, Knuckles
I know how much the emerald means to you
And I wanna help get it back
Stop bein' stubborn and think
Well I guess you're right
Ya damn right, Knuckles
I don't even know what the hell is going on with the writing in this 'song', Hunnid-P literally proclaims he is Knuckles and then has a conversation with himself as Sonic as well. This whole song is a awful mess.
8 - We Can - Sonic Heroes OST
Performed by Ted Poley and Tony Harnell, this song reminds me of when you're in middle school or high school and they bring in those motivational singers who then sing about how special everyone is, why bullying is bad, and everyone should be friends and what not... So let's go ahead and take a look at these extremely inspiring,
Lyric Highlights
We can make it if we all stick together
We won't give up, not ever
And everything's going to be alright
We all bring out the best things in each other
Together we are stronger than anyone else could be on their own
So much better than alone(Hold up, is this the new theme of communism?)
Sonic's in the lead, giving us greater speed
Tails keeps us flying high to stay above trouble
And Knuckles by our side, makes this a safer ride
We'll save the world and teach that Eggman a lessonTogether we can overcome all the odds
It's never as hard as it seems
Everyone can do something special
The secret is sharing your dreamsOooooohhhhhh!
Yeah!
Just like when listening to those motivational singers, I didn't want to be in the same room, and the same applies to this song.
7 - Follow Me - Sonic Heroes OST
Composed by Jun Senoue and performed by Kay Hanley, on top of being horribly cringe, this is the song of Team Rose in Sonic Heroes.
Lyric Highlights
Anywhere you wanna go...
Anything you need to know!
All the best in life...
I wanna get it for you!
Lately I just feel so fine!
I imagine that you're mine!
In my world you're gold...
I only wanna protect you!And whatever I want, I get...
I want a shooting star!
Whatever I need, I have...
When I'm with you!
I have serious questions about what Jun believes a healthy relationship looks like if this was his attempt at a love song.
6 - Sonic Underground Theme Song
Composed by Mike Piccirillo and performed by Robby London, this is the main theme for the late 90's Sonic Underground cartoon and it was awful. (Just like the show!)
Lyric Highlights
Triplets born
The throne awaits
A seer warns
Of a deadly fate
Give up your children
Separate
Bide your time
Lie in waitSonic Underground
Sonic Underground
They made a vow
Their mother will be found
A show about enslavement, abandonment, and three hedgehogs -- how terrifying.
5 - Believe in Myself - Sonic Adventure OST
Acting as the main theme of Tails in Sonic Adventure 1 and 2, it was performed by Karen Brake. This song very much reminds me of "Can you feel the sunshine?" -- in the same sense that if you listen to the lyrics, it's kind of awfully depressing to think about who might have wrote this... So let's take a look!
Lyric Highlights
When all alone in my sleep
I just go about dreamin'
I see myself there, having the same adventureIf I just follow you, I will not see the light
Now's the time to find my way through this life
I'm tryin' so hard to be strongI wanna fly high
So I can reach the highest of all the heavens
Somebody will be
Waiting for me so I have gotta fly higher
Gotta keep going
Everything is a brand new challenge for me
I will believe in myself
This is the only start for me
Maybe because I'm a jaded as hell, but these type of songs make me cringe hardcore.
4 - My Sweet Passion - Sonic Adventure OST
Performed by Nikki Gregoroff, if Follow Me was a song about a relationship or something, this is a song about why you may want a restraining order. Why you ask? Let's check the lyrics.
Lyric Highlights
I got out my map and chose a place I wanted to go to (packed up my stuff, set out for adventure...)
I know that your lucky colour is that cool shade of blue (won't mind painting myself blue for you...) (What?)
I guess I'm so easy to understand
I just do what ever that comes to me naturallyAlright
I do understand the feelings of a Persian Cat (but the Sphinx looked so cute I had to shave it...) (What!?)
He reminds me of parsley when he's standing there all alone (makes me wanna be his speciality...) (WHAT!?)
I guess I'm just a self-centered girl
But there are nights that I have trouble going to sleep(Sweet sweet you're so sweet) So many things I want
(Sweet sweet you're so sweet) I wanna be a wonderful girl
(Sweet sweet you're so sweet) I'm not simple-minded
(Sweet sweet you're so sweet) And I won't be a pearl (I don't even-)
You probably need me just as much as I need you (This level of projecting, how terrifying)
Let's just say there is good reason why Amy has been friend zoned for the entirety of the Sonic games.
3 - King Of the Ring - Sonic Arcade (1996)
Composers including: Emerald Hill, Oscar Oberheim, and Spike Shellcraker and performed by Andrea Husak. This song is from an official Sonic the Hedgehog album that was released by German music label Arcade. These songs were apparently "inspired" by the world of Sonic the Hedgehog.
Lyric Highlights
I'm the king of the ring
Come here and play with me
Me, the king of the ring
Bringing you the energyKing of the ring
King of the ring
Come on!
Then it just loops, until it's over -- that's the whole song lyrically and it's absolutely awful... But it only gets worse!
2 - They Call Me Sonic ¨Air Rave" - Sonic Arcade (1996)
Once again with composers including: Emerald Hill, Oscar Oberheim, and Spike Shellcracker and performed by Andrea Husak. This is without a doubt one of the worst things I've ever listened to in my life. I don't think it makes me cringe as much as the #1 spot... But I hope I never listen to this ever again in my life.
Lyric Highlights
They call me Sonic
'cause I am faster than sound, I keep on jumping around
Blue Hedgehog Sonic
with incredible speed, I'm moving my feet
(repeats until the song ends, with instrumental breaks)
Blue Hedgehog Sonic... Is not taking the top spot on this list.
1 - Almost Dead - Shadow the Hedgehog OST
Performed by Powerman 5000 (you know of WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE fame) -- I didn't honestly think you could get edgier then "I am (All of Me)" -- guess I was wrong, because this song is so edgy it's painful to listen to.
Acting as the "Dark Theme" of Shadow the Hedgehog in his video game Shadow the Hedgehog, this is possibly the edgiest most cringe-worthy song I've ever heard in my entire life.
Lyric Highlights
No more gods
No more graves
Are you friend or fiend?
No more life
No more death
Somewhere in between...
No more gods
No more graves
Are you friend or fiend?
No more life
No more death
Somewhere in between...
Well, we're almost dead
Almost dead
Almost dead to the world
Almost dead
Almost dead
Almost dead to the world
Heaven can't save us
Hell is a joke
No place left to go
What you see
You cannot believe
But when we rise, you'll know...
Once again Shadow proves he is the undisputed king of gun wielding cringe and takes our number one spot of most cringe worthy Sonic music and so bad it's good Sonic music, congratulations Shadow!
What are the cringiest original Sonic songs you know? Let me know in the comments below!
Published: Apr 23, 2017 11:44 pm