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INS4NITY W00F on – World’s Smallest… Console?! OMGWTF!

ITS SO TINY! WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?!
This article is over 11 years old and may contain outdated information

Whats long and hard and full of seamen?

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A submarine!

Which is far from the size of this tiny thing!


So, The Gamestick. What is it? It’s like a USB drive That you plug into the HD port on your television. The controller is bigger than the thing! Also not out yet, but available to preorder. Post and packing wont be much of a problem, given how tiny it is.

As we speak, I am currently researching more–I’ve got to find something to scream obnoxiously about. Here’s a quote from the site.

“Portable, dynamic, revolutionary: GameStick delivers an all-new big screen gaming experience. Powered by Android, GameStick plugs into your TV’s HD slot. Then get straight into the action with our fully-featured Bluetooth Game Pad – it’s ready to go right out of the box.”

Nyeeh! You have to plug it into your TV. It’s not some wireless awesome-sauce thing you can magically push a button on to make work.  HA! I found a flaw!… Not much of a flaw.

We’ve created what we think is the most simple, intuitive user interface on TV. The GameStick storefront offers access to a range of the most exciting Android games available today. GameStick comes with up to 8GB of storage out of the box with an SD Micro memory expansion slot providing optional additional storage of up to 32GB. (Memory card not included).”

If this is the case, why not just have the memory card built in? Ha! Two the the Wolfie! If I can get to five, I can bite someone.

We’re working with hundreds of developers to bring you the best Android games available.



Nom Nom Nom, I really want to bite someone.

“When we started this project we were unsure how successful it would be. Our expectation was that we would do an initial run of a few thousand units and then go from there. What happened next was a whirlwind. We’ve now got 27 retailers around the world engaged and placing orders for our micro-console.”

“Initially, we planned on demand for around 1,000 units so we were going to use silicon molds, which is what we have used for the GameStick DEV units. These don’t take much time to make, but they also cannot cope with the high volume production that we now need. As a result we have had to move to much higher end tooling which is being made in both China and Germany.”


So, they’ve made their product, and found it’s too successful. So successful even that they cannot yet cope with the numbers wanted, implying its release date may be delayed perchance? Or they will simply be hard to obtain on release. PRE-ORDER NOW! Then I read more–my assumption was right.


“Initially we had hoped to deliver GameStick to you at the end of April. We now expect to complete mechanical tooling about 4 weeks later at the end of May. Then the units are assembled, tested and assuming there are no issues, packed prior to shipping to each territory. We expect to ship around the 10th June. The volumes are now too large for us to be able to afford to air-freight them, which was our plan, so now we are going to have to use sea freight to deliver them. That’s going to take around 2 weeks. Then we have fulfillment in territory – which we estimate will take between 1 and 5 days depending on where you are located. This means we think the likely date of arrival of your hand crafted GameStick will be at the last week of June.”


Implying, we now have four flaws with what seems an impeccable console. All of which seem to be about how impeccable it is, a sad victim of its own success! Alas, don’t expect any big titles yet like Call of Duty. You could barely even get games like that. Although it wouldn’t be past expectation to see gaming “Miniaturized” like this. Give it three to five years, I’ll be barking my ass off with “Told you so’s”.

Likely because memory in computing terms is getting bigger and smaller at the same time. Tera bites can fit into your palm. A few years back you needed servers for that. I read an article about “Crystal Core” processors, I’m unsure if they’re out yet, but I’m sure that would miniturise gaming too.

 

OMG OMG OMG Colourzzz!!!

Flaw five, their development team seems understaffed, considering they are advertising for more to be added to it.

“Thank you for your interest in GameStick! To register for access to our developer portal and join our developer community, please fill out and submit the form below. We will be in touch with your login details shortly.”

Do you know what this means? It means the INSANITY WOLF has just been silenced. None of these five things are particularly flaws per say. More positives.

This means that this console is a brilliant concept, and a stepping stone in advancing technology from the pioneers of gaming.

This means, that it’s too bloody good, and greater things are going to follow. Roll on future. This implying, I am unable to bite anyone as the five flaws are void.

 

On a side-note…  I did find one flaw.

“SMALL PARTS MAY BE HARMFUL TO CHILDREN!”

Bwahahaha! INS4NITY W00F WINS AGAIN!

 


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Author
Image of INS4NITY W00F
INS4NITY W00F
Well, what is there to type, Currently I'm a makeshift editor. sometimes I have problems CONTROLLING THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE. other times I simply do stuff, LIKE RANT ABOUT DISFUNCTIONALITY IN GAMING AND THREATEN TO BITE PEOPLE. But majorly I like classical music, Social interaction IF IT INVOLVES BITING PEOPLE, and writing articles on the occassion about BITING PEOPLE AND RIPPING OFF VARIOUS PARTS OF THEIR ANATOMY. Insanity wolf is a meme designed to be outlandish and offensive. With that in mind, the role partook in any of my comments are done entirely from this -Fictional- Characters perspective and does not coincide with any of my own views.